arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
