Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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