oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize