You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
