8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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