i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize