I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
