Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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