highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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