No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
