Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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