just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
