I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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