What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
