just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
