Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This house was built for laser tag.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
