Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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