Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
