I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
