I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
