I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
