Kiss
Puke
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
