I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
