I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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