just come out here and I will go home with you...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize