can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
