How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
