Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
