Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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