we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize