I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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