Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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