i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
