After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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