I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
