Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
