We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize