it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
