Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
