guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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