Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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