Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
