White coat. Heels.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize