just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
