I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
