i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
