oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
