what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
