I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The air was thick with penises
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
