hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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