I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
