Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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