Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
