How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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