I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
