Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
