It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
