just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
