How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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