HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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