Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
