Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
