i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
