Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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