just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
