you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
