My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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