is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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