I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
