my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
