I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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