i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
