Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The air taste purple.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
