she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
