you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
