so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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