Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
