He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fill condoms, not promises.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
