Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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