Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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