I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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