At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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