this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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