Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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