Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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